The Story of Us
by Awkwardauthor
Summary: You were the boy with the dark hair and crystalline blue eyes. You became everything to me, and then you became nothing. But I can't forget the one that stole my heart, crushed it, and revived it again and again. Because that's you and I, the story of us. AU Phan.


**Hello lovelies! I'm back with another Phan fic! My sentimentality has returned. I was listening to Pagdating ng Panahon by Aiza Seguerra (one of these days I'll have a fic based off an English song, you'll see) when this plot bunny came to mind. The title of the song translates to "When Time Comes." This will also be the first time I'm writing in first person POV for a Dan and Phil fic.**

 **I had this posted on my Tumblr, and I only got around now to posting it on**

* * *

You walked into my life as a candle waiting to be lit.

That first day, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I heard the whispers in the hall talking about the new kid. It was a buzzing in my ears. I tried to block them out, but sound is a sense that can't be cut out entirely.

Then you fell into my line of sight.

You had the blackest hair as dark as night and crystalline blue eyes. You were with a group of friends and the sound of your laugh made me look at your direction.

If I hadn't looked, would things have changed the outcome of us?

Cheeks heating in embarrassment, I tore my eyes away from you and blended into the crowd. What was it about you that made me react that strongly? You had a physical appearance that one would describe average. From another outsider's perspective, you wouldn't have been given another glance.

But all I wanted to do was look at you again.

You piqued my curiosity. You sparked a fire in me that died down when I arrived in this new city, in a brand new environment I didn't want to be a part of.

In a span of a few seconds, I was a goner.

~:~

Phil Lester was your name.

Stolen glances were what I had that first semester. It took us far longer until our paths intersected.

Our separate social circles didn't allow us to be within close proximity of each other. I shared a few classes with a couple of your friends. Other than that, that was the closest I had to reaching you.

You knew who I was. Everyone did. The label of new kid wasn't removed that easily. You'd know of my existence.

It made me wonder what you thought of me. What did you think of me, a boy with hair and eyes the color of caramel? Your friends were with the more popular crowd. They didn't pick on me, but they made it obvious that they were purposefully straying away from me.

I didn't blame them. I was never the type that people would want to befriend.

But you. I wanted to be your friend. There were subtleties with you that made you someone I wanted to approach.

Your backpack with the buttons of anime characters and rock bands.

Your blue skull candy headphones that you always wore when you show up to school.

Your iPhone with the ringtone of a Muse song.

Your white Captain America t-shirt.

Your seemingly endless supply of jeans.

I wanted to know you. I wanted to see beyond your superficial layer. I wanted to unravel every one of your layers until I reached the core of you that hid your deepest secrets.

I was a lost puppy, and I waited for the chance to get to you.

~:~

"Hello, I'm Phil."

The new school year came. We were in year 11. Luck was on my side and you were in my history class.

"I'm Dan. But you knew that."

"I know. So tell me Dan, how's this school working out for you?"

You grinned at me, and with that little exchange, the barrier was broken.

Like the first time I saw you, I became more attentive to your presence. Now that we were finally talking, it was like I was speaking to a dream.

You gradually became a factor of my life, and I became a factor of yours. Our common interests rarely left any dull moments in our conversations. You always had something interesting to say, and I always had an answer to them. In a few weeks, we acted as if we were best friends instead of close acquaintances.

We had a bond I never had with anyone else. You became the first person I'd go to whenever I needed someone to talk to.

You were the one that listened to the entirety of Muse's first album with me during a boring day in study hall. You were the one that made fun of the football jocks with me and made bets around which cheerleader would hook up with which football player. You were the one that came to check on me in the nurse's office when I scraped my knee playing basketball during gym.

You cared about me, and I cared about you.

~:~

All that caring should have been a clear sign that you wouldn't be merely a friend to me.

If I had realized sooner what caring would lead to, I would have stayed away from you.

~:~

You were the push for me to perform in that spring showcase.

I was in the music room, mindlessly playing on the grand piano in the corner. I chose chorus as my elective that year, so whenever my friends were busy during lunch, I'd go there to spend my break time.

I was in the middle of singing and playing Muse's Starlight when I heard a door being opened and closed. I was about to cease what I was doing to see who was at the door, but there was a tug in me that wanted to keep playing.

So I did, and once I finished the song, I found you standing there, a smile of appreciation on your face.

"I didn't know you could play."

I shrugged. "It's a hobby."

"You're good."

"Really?"

"I take it back. You're more than good. You're great!"

"Thanks." Hearing you say that you liked my music reassured me that I was a good musician. I only ever played for my friends.

But you weren't just my friend. You were like a brother.

"Have you thought about performing for the spring showcase?"

"No."

"You should!" You moved away from the door to stand next to me. "You'd kill it out there."

"I've never performed for large audiences before."

"Then do the showcase! I'm sure I won't be the only one that would love to hear you play Starlight."

"Phil, people here would expect me to play some sort of trashy pop song. If they hear me play a Muse song, they'd get bored."

"They wont get bored. If they did, I'll throw rocks at them."

"You wouldn't hurt a rabbit. I doubt you'd be able to do that."

You laughed. "I would. For you."

I hesitated at first, but you didn't relent on your encouragements. When you asked to hear me play my guitar, I did. You were just as impressed as my piano-playing.

"Everyone would be stupid not to like you," you said when I had played All Time Low's Therapy on my guitar.

So I did the spring showcase. For you. And the school wasn't bored. They were on their feet when I played Starlight.

No longer was I known simply as the new kid.

Because of you, I believed that my hobby was worth something.

~:~

You were what gave meaning to love songs.

Love. If only I knew the four letter word would be the curse between us.

But love can't be fought. Love is a snake. I was trapped in its vicegrip until I was begging to be free of its hold.

Yet, I didn't want to release the snake.

I would have rather stayed with the snake than let you go.

~:~

The stars were the brightest I've ever seen that night. We were at PJ's house. Your two friends PJ and Chris planned the party out of the blue and you wanted me to be there.

"Parties aren't my thing," I told you when you invited me.

"Same here."

"So why do you want me to go?"

"Because you make things fun when you're around."

So I went. Louise, Zoe, and Alfie went too, because they were my friends and I didn't want them to feel left out. The party was what I expected to be: drunk kids, very public displays of affection, way too much grinding, and music that sounded more like a nail being scratched on a chalkboard.

Aside from a cup of beer and interacting with our respective friends, I got bored within the first hour of the party. Once our friends joined the dancing crowd, you approached me and asked if I wanted to go outside.

"Let's talk somewhere without the Backstreet Boys in the background!" you shouted over the pulsating music.

I agreed, and followed you out the front door. You led me to the backyard, where luckily, there weren't any couples doing anything beyond 7 minutes of heaven.

We laid back on the grass and gazed at the night sky. We talked about the homecoming dance and how you were going for the first time because I was going (my friends never missed a homecoming dance and they weren't letting me off the hook). You asked if I had a date, and I laughed at how absurd your question was.

"If I had a date, I'd take a cardboard cutout of Delia Smith."

You chuckled. "So there's no pretty girl you want to sweep off her feet?"

I scoffed. "Most of the pretty girls around here bore me as much as everyone's music taste. If Louise wasn't interested in Matt and Zoe wasn't dating Alfie, I would've courted those two months ago."

"Courted? How 18th century of you."

"What? It's how I'd approach someone I like."

"Hm."

"What?"

"Nothing."

I sat up and turned my head to look at you. There was an expression on your face I couldn't pinpoint.

"What?" I repeated.

"Dan." You too sat up, then stared at me. "Do you like anyone?"

"No…"

"Good."

You grabbed my face in your calloused hands and pressed your lips to mine. I was frozen in shock, confused by what to do.

I should have pushed you away, because it was wrong. You were my friend and I wasn't gay.

But I didn't want it to end, because kissing you was like eating a box of malteasers. I couldn't get enough of it.

When you pulled away, there was a dazed look in your eyes.

"Phil. I-I," I stuttered.

"I'm sorry!" You scooted back, your face tinted a bright red. "I… I didn't know why I did that."

"It's okay." I patted your shoulder in a reassuring gesture. "No hard feelings."

You kept on apologizing, and I had to keep telling you it was okay. That was us; constantly messing things up and doing everything in our power to fix our mistakes.

But that kiss was a mistake that couldn't be fixed.

One can't take back a kiss.

~:~

If I had paid more attention to your facial expressions, I would have figured out sooner why you kissed me.

You didn't kiss me for the hell of it.

Why would you? You knew of my overthinking tendencies. Since the kiss, I replayed the moment over and over in my head whenever I was alone. I couldn't forget it, because how could I forget it was you who kissed me? You, who was too important for me to lose?

The kiss spurred the distance. The Monday two days after the party, you couldn't look me in the eye when I met you at the lockers. You spoke to me like the kiss never happened. I was relieved, thinking that the kiss didn't change anything between us.

I was oblivious. I chose to be.

That would come back to haunt me.

I realized it three months later, when I played Starlight on my guitar and remembered that the winter formal was in two weeks.

I wondered if you were going. You didn't bring it up, so I kept my mouth tight about the subject.

If I went, it would be if you did too. You said it yourself. I make things fun when I'm around.

If you were my date, I wouldn't have minded.

That was when it hit me. The reason why you kissed me. The reason why you acted strange since that night.

You fancied me.

You were in love with me.

~:~

I was the lovesick fool. I chased after a dream that wouldn't be fulfilled.

My feelings weren't what a child would have. I wasn't crushing on you. The feeling in my chest whenever I saw you overwhelmed me more than it should.

It was a feeling that didn't go away. I wasn't merely liking you.

The way I felt for you was how Romeo felt for Juliet, how Jack felt for Rose, how every anime boy felt for his love interest.

I was in love with you.

I would never know if you loved me too.

I had it all planned out. I was going to approach you at the winter formal (I heard from Chris and PJ that you were indeed going). I would ask you to dance to a slow song. While we danced, I'd make my confession and we would pull off a cheesy movie moment where you told me you love me too and our happily-ever-after would begin.

But life wasn't a fantasy. Fantasies are fantasies because it promises happiness. In the end, no matter the trouble and harm, everything would work out.

Not us.

Because you took Hazel to the winter formal. Because it was her you danced with to a slow song. Because it was her you kissed and her who said she loves you. And it was her you said "me too."

I stormed out the ballroom, tears running down my cheeks as if I was crying a river. Louise was behind me, and I cried in her arms as I told her how much I hated you.

I was wrong. You didn't love me.

I was misinterpreted.

I would have died a broken heart.

At least dying of heartbreak would end the emotional suffering I had to face.

~:~

The distance had grown. You spent more time with Hazel. I spent more time with my music and my friends.

The second semester passed. I avoided you as much as possible. When I saw you in the halls, I ignored you. When you came to try to talk to me, I made excuses so I could leave. After a while, you gave up.

I didn't perform in the spring showcase. I didn't go to prom. I skipped out on those events because it made me think of you. I didn't want to perform for an event that you encouraged me to do one year ago. I didn't want to attend an event where you would be with someone that should have been me.

It hurt. It hurt like a thousand bullets shot at my chest. It hurt more than the time I hit my head during a bicycle mishap when I was nine.

I understood why heartbreak was the greatest pain anyone could every feel. Because it was. It was a pain that didn't take a few days or months to go away. The pain lingered, and I didn't know how to get rid of it.

I stayed away from the music room. I barely played the piano. I would have done the same with my guitar, but whenever I was stressed with schoolwork, my guitar helped to calm me down.

When I graduated, I locked eyes with you amidst the hundreds of students wearing their gowns and caps. You just looked, and for a second, I wished that I didn't push you away. I wanted to rewind time, back to that moment I first saw you. I wanted to change things so that I could have told my past self that you were just a boy, a face that was just another face.

And that was the thing about time. You can't slow time, nor can you go back to the past or go to the future. You'll always be in the present. You'll always live in the now and have no control of what happens next.

Graduation represented us.

It was the end.

~:~

We went to different universities. I majored in psychology (I found the human mind fascinating) and you studied English (you always had a thing with words).

I kept in touch with PJ and Chris. Despite the end of our friendship, it didn't end mine with your friends. They didn't let our separation affect our comradery.

I posted my first video on YouTube. I did a cover of Starlight. Within a week, the video had a little over 1,000 likes. Five cover videos, 9,000 likes, and 167 subscribers later, I thought that this YouTube thing was catching on.

But Danisnotonfire wasn't the only up and coming YouTuber.

So were you.

AmazingPhil.

While I posted music covers, you posted vlogs. While I was the YouTuber with the beautiful voice, you were the YouTuber with the funniest, relatable stories. Our channels were different, yet we both had the same honest quality in every one of our videos.

I watched your videos. All of them. I subscribed to your channel and kept up with your life through my laptop and phone screen. I couldn't see you in person, but your videos made me feel like we were still friends.

I couldn't get over you, nor could I forget what we had. But time healed the wounds you left me in. I learned to live a life without seeing you daily. Your videos preserved the happier memories of the past.

There was a time before the tears and the longing. Those days were the days I chose to remember you by.

Until eventually, I was genuinely fine with the idea that we were never meant to be.

~:~

Except we were.

I couldn't go the rest of my life without meeting you face-to-face again. It was impossible. What I didn't count on was running into you before I was ready to do so.

VidCon. VidCon was the reason.

I had just graduated from university with my degree in psychology. My YouTube lifestyle reached a point where I was invited to perform at VidCon. I wasn't going to be an idiot and pass up the opportunity.

Louise, Zoe, Alfie, Chris and PJ were going too. They became YouTubers too and made a name for themselves on the web. Like that first day of school, I stuck out like a sore thumb. The five of them were like you: vloggers.

I bumped into you at the hotel where I was staying at during my stay in California.

"Hold on!" I heard someone call out. I was in the elevator and the doors were just about to close.

I was on my phone, so I didn't focus on whose voice that was and let the person in.

"Dan?"

The sound of your voice stunned me.

As the doors closed, I looked up. It was you, a small smile on your face.

"Phil."

"Hey."

"Hi."

"You here for VidCon?"

"Yeah. You?"

You nodded. "How've you been?"

"Alright. What floor?"

"Same as you. Sixth."

The elevator ride felt as if it lasted a lifetime. I felt awkward standing there with you. There you were, the object of my affection in high school. My former friend, who would stay on the same floor as me.

What were the chances that encounter would happen? If we didn't reunite in that elevator, would we still have reunited otherwise?

But we did.

And you became a part of my second beginning.

~:~

When you asked if I could do a collab with you, I thought you were joking.

"I'm serious, Dan."

It was a month since VidCon. After the elevator reunion, our friends apparently took it as a sign that it was okay for all of us to start hanging out as a group. We would go to clubs on Friday nights (sans dancing) and eat in middle-class restaurants. A couple days ago, we posted our mass collab video of us playing Cards Against Humanity on Alfie's channel. You gave our group the ridiculous name of "Kool Katz." But it caught on, and the fans begged us to do another Kool Katz video.

"What do you possibly want us to do?"

"Q & A."

That didn't sound like a bad idea. It was only one video. It's not like "Dan and Phil" would be lifelong BFF's like "Zoe and Louise."

The B and the second F was gone. I didn't know if we were even the first F.

"With cat whiskers drawn on our faces."

I laughed. "Still loving cats, don't you?"

"They don't get as much love as dogs!"

So I did the video. You called it Phil is Not on Fire. I revealed more of my playful, sarcastic side to the internet. You acted like you were in all of your videos, except that it felt like we were living the past.

It was as if we were 16-year-old's again.

It was us bonding over our mutual love of Muse and making fun of pop culture figures.

And when you posted PINOF, the video gave birth of Phan. The fans shipped the musician and the vlogger. They fell in love with the two of us together.

If only they knew that, once upon a time, the love they were imagining was true.

~:~

We never spoke about how we drifted apart. We pretended as if that time didn't exist.

We were two puzzle pieces that found its way back to each other. Mismatched at first, the pieces found the holes where they fit together. Months passed and we became friends again.

We did more collabs together on your channel. Phan became a trend. You brought up the idea of us getting a flat together. And I agreed, because living with someone was better than living alone.

When we reached one million subscribers on our respective channels, we celebrated by doing a collab on my channel. My videos were all about music, so we did a lip sync battle to our favorite songs based by a certain artist.

It was then that I was inspired. I was at a point where I had enough originality to do my own music.

I was going to try and write my own songs.

~:~

Writing songs were difficult. I would start one, but lose creativity and discard the draft. I threw away paper upon paper of unfinished songs.

I didn't get it. How did the greatest songwriters do this? What was their trick? Where did they find the motivation for their lyrics?

It took your "Reacting to my Old Videos" video for it to hit me.

When you watched your old videos, I remembered those university years. I remembered that period of being unable to leave our past behind. I remembered holding on to traces of us, because it reminded me that our friendship wasn't a figment of my imagination. I remembered you as the boy that walked into the music room and witnessed the dream that I would live in eight years.

I remembered you as the candle.

I remembered a history that I tried to bury, but winded up resurfacing anyway.

As soon as I finished watching your video, the words poured out of me like a fountain.

I grabbed my notebook and started writing.

A few hours later, the song was complete and I had the accompanied music to play on my guitar.

I set up my equipment. I hit record on the camera and played our song.

The Story of Us.

 _First words on the first page_

 _Walking down a hall, I find you there_

 _Sky blue eyes and midnight hair_

 _Captivated in a single second_

 _Fast forward in a second chapter_

 _Breaking down walls to be with you_

 _Not picture-perfect, I let the pieces fall_

 _Feather light kiss and I start pretending_

 _Turning the page, in all these years_

 _The ink is gray, but I'm still holding on_

 _We're still here and fading to black_

 _You and I, living_

 _The story of us_

All I needed to write a song was you. The song is about us: how we met, how we became friends, how love caused us to drift apart, and how I still loved you despite what happened.

Because that was what love is. Love hurts, but it doesn't mean it's the end of the world.

 _The silent words of a new day_

 _Walking home alone with you on my mind_

 _I'm dancing alone and you dance with her_

 _Too late to erase and rewind_

 _Bookmarks of previous chapters_

 _Living in a distant and far beyond_

 _A dawn of a new beginning_

 _Leaving behind an end_

 _Pages are torn, in all these years_

 _Spilling my heart in ink, but I'm holding on_

 _You're here, in a different reality_

 _You and I, living_

 _The story of us_

You weren't with Hazel anymore (you two broke up sometime in college, according to one of your videos). You stayed single since then.

Call it a sign, but maybe there was still hope.

I never did know why you kissed me. We never brought it up.

I never knew if you loved me too. I only assumed you didn't.

I left things unsaid. I let things happen. When I didn't do anything about it, I had no one to blame but myself for what happened when I went with the flow.

 _A light in the cracks_

 _Back after all the breaks_

 _Maybe I'd keep on wishing_

 _For something that wasn't all lost_

 _Mistakes and ignorance_

 _Secrets still unsolved_

 _If you are the key and I am the lock_

 _Then this story_

 _Is yet to reach its end_

 _Turning the page, in all these years_

 _The ink is gray, but I'm still holding on_

 _Filling in the black so it won't fade away_

 _The missing blanks after all this time_

 _You are what's meant to be mine_

 _A collection of pages_

 _Written here, always, forever_

 _The story of us_

Our story wasn't finished.

And now it was time to change the ending.

~:~

So here I am now, twenty minutes after I posted "The Story of Us" on my channel.

You're in your room. By now you would have watched the video.

When you walk into my room, you look unsure about what to say. I am too.

It's out in the open. You finally know. You, and millions of our fans (though they won't know it's you the song is about), know that I'm in love with someone.

"Why?" is what you say. "Why now?"

"I was scared."

"Damn it." You pull at your hair. "Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!" You kick at the wall. "We wasted so much time! All this time, I regretted not telling you because I didn't want to lose you as my friend. Sure, I loved Hazel and we were friends since we were little, but I didn't love her the way I love you."

You move away from the door. You sit down on my bed and grab my face in your hands, reminding me of that night at PJ's party. "It killed me when we stopped talking to each other. I knew I shouldn't have kissed you. I scared you off and why would you want to still be friends with someone that made it clear he doesn't want to just be friends with you? The entire time I was with Hazel, I dreamed it was you in her place."

"Then why didn't you say anything?" My palms brush against your neck. "When you kissed me, you should have told me you had feelings for me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No. I'm sorry. If I wasn't a coward, I would have done something before high school ended."

"We're so stupid."

"You didn't say it yet."

"Say what?"

"Do you still love me?"

"Yes, you idiot." Your nose touches my nose. "I love you, Daniel Howell."

"I love you too, Phillip Lester."

When you kiss me, it's our first kiss all over again. But this time, there's no confusion.

No more being blind.

I kiss you back, my lips matching the intensity of yours. I thread my hands in your hair. I close my eyes, concentrating in your gentle touches.

Finally.

When you pull away, you are grinning like a mad man.

"That was long overdue," you say.

"Tell me about it."

"Bet the fans have figured out who your song is about."

"Let's see."

We lie on our stomachs and turn on my laptop. I go to my YouTube page. There are at least 150,000 views, 21,000 likes and 2,000 comments.

I scroll through the comments.

"They've figured it out," you muse. Comment after comment, the fans speculate that it's you that I wrote the song for (The loyal fans would have figured it out fast. I described the person having midnight hair and sky blue eyes).

"Should we put them out of their misery?"

"Why not."

I reach for my phone. I drape an arm across your shoulders.

"Smile." I kiss your cheek and take the photo.

I post the photo on my social media pages with the caption The Story of Phan #thestoryofus

We spent eight years living in the what-if. We let the what-if consume us, stripping away what could have been our chance for a you and I.

But now there is a you and I.

You and I have become an us.

* * *

 **That may be my longest Dan and Phil one-shot up to date. I wanted to try my hand at another AU Dan and Phil fic. As for the song, I'm not much of a songwriter. But hey, I did my best.**

 **Until next time.**

 **~ AA**


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